Lesson with elements of training for parents "Active listening in child-parent relationships." Methods of active listening for a child What are the functions of active listening in kindergarten

Avoid communicating with your child while in another room, facing the stove or the sink with dishes; watching TV, reading the newspaper; sitting, leaning back in a chair or lying on the sofa. Your position in relation to him and your posture are the first and strongest signals about how ready you are to listen and hear him.

If you are talking to an upset or upset child, you should not ask him questions. It is advisable that your answers sound in the affirmative. For example: Son (with a gloomy look): I won’t hang out with Petya anymore! Parent: You were offended by him. Possible incorrect remarks: -What happened? -Are you offended by him? A phrase framed as a question does not reflect empathy.

In your response, it is also sometimes helpful to repeat what you understand happened to the child and then identify his feelings. Son (with a gloomy look): I won’t hang out with Petya anymore! Father: You don’t want to be friends with him anymore. (Repetition of what was heard) Son: Yes, I don’t want to... Father (after a pause): You’re offended by him... (Designation of feelings).

Three results of active listening. 1. The child’s negative experience disappears or at least greatly weakens. 2. The child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to tell more and more about himself. 3. The child himself makes progress in solving his problem.

Homework. 1. In front of you is a table in which you need to fill out the “child’s feelings” column. In the left column you will find a description of the situation and the child’s words; on the right, write what feelings you think he experiences in this case. Don't think about your answer yet. Situation and words of the child Feelings of the child Your answer 1. (Sample): “Today, when I was leaving school, a hooligan boy knocked out my briefcase and everything spilled out of it.” 2. (The child was given an injection and cries): “The doctor is bad!” 3. (The eldest son to his mother): “You always protect her, you say “little, little,” but you never feel sorry for me.” 4. “Today in math class I didn’t understand anything and told the teacher about it, and all the guys laughed.” 5. (The child drops the cup and it breaks): “Oh!!! My cup-a-sheka!” 6. (Flies into the door): “Mom, you know, today I was the first to write and pass the test!” 7. “Well, wow, I forgot to turn on the TV, and there was a continuation of the film!” Disappointment, resentment You were very upset, and it was very offensive.

Task two. Write down your response to the child's words in the third column. In this phrase, indicate the feeling that (in your opinion) he is experiencing. Task three. Start doing the same in your daily communication with your child: notice the moments of his various experiences when he is offended, upset, afraid, does not want, tired, angry, joyful, impatient, passionate... and name them in your address to him. Don't forget about the narrative (not interrogative) form of your remarks and the pause after your words.

What distinguishes a person from an animal? . Man created language in order to express his thoughts, desires and feelings to others through it. This is where active listening becomes important. There are certain techniques and techniques for active listening, methods. Let's look at examples of how it manifests itself, and use exercises to show how to develop it.

People can rarely hear each other. Unfortunately, the inability to listen to the interlocutor leads to the fact that people do not understand each other and do not find solutions problem situations, disperse and remain with their grievances. This is why active listening becomes important when a person understands what the other person is saying to him.

You need to be able not only to speak, but also to listen. Success comes to people who know how to hear what is being said to them. As they say, “silence is golden.” But if at the same time a person is included in the understanding of the interlocutor’s words, then his silence turns into a priceless jewel.

What is active listening?

When talking about active listening, it is difficult to convey its full meaning. What is it? Active listening is the perception of someone else's speech, in which there is direct and indirect interaction between the participants in the process. A person seems to be involved in the conversation process, he hears and understands the meaning of the speaker’s words, perceives his speech.

To understand another person, you first need to hear him. How can you communicate and not hear the other person? Many people think this is absurd. In fact, most people are superficial and one-sided. While the interlocutor is saying something, his opponent is thinking about his own thoughts, listening to his feelings that arise in response to the words of the speaker.

If you remember, many will note that at the moment when they hear some unpleasant word, everything that is said after it remains unheard. Having heard a word that is meaningful to him, a person focuses his attention on it. He gets emotional, while thinking about what to say to his interlocutor. You may not even notice that the conversation has already gone in a different direction.

Listening is called active only because a person does not focus solely on his own experiences and emotions, but perceives the speech that is said by the interlocutor.

Active listening helps:

• Direct the conversation in the right direction.
• Choose questions that will help you get the answers you need.
• Correctly and accurately understand the interlocutor.

IN in a general sense, active listening helps to establish contact with the interlocutor and obtain the necessary information from him.

Active Listening Technique

If you are interested in active listening techniques, then you should read Gippenreiter’s book “The Miracles of Active Listening,” where he notes the critical role of this phenomenon. If people want to establish effective contacts with loved ones and people around them, then they should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.

When a person is interested in the topic of a conversation, he usually gets involved in it. He leans or turns towards the interlocutor to better understand him. This is one of the techniques of active listening, when a person is interested in hearing and understanding information.

Other factors that influence effective active listening are:

• Eliminating topics that are unclear to the interlocutor. This may include accent and speech impediments.
• Unconditional acceptance of the opponent. Don't judge what he says.
• Asking questions is a sign of inclusion in the conversation.

Active listening techniques:

1. “Echo” - repeating the last words of the interlocutor in a questioning tone.
2. Paraphrasing is a brief transfer of the essence of what was said: “Did I understand you correctly...? If I understand you correctly, then...”
3. Interpretation is an assumption about the true intentions and goals of the speaker based on what he said.

Through active listening, a person empathizes and clarifies information for himself, clarifies and asks questions, moves the conversation into the desired topic. It greatly increases one's sense of self-worth if one is proficient in communication techniques.

Eye contact reveals a lot about what a person is interested in:

• Contact at eye level indicates that the person is interested in the interlocutor and the information he gives out.
• Looking at your interlocutor speaks more about your interest in the speaker’s personality than about the information he is giving out.
• A look at surrounding objects indicates that the person is not interested in either the information or the interlocutor himself.

Active listening includes head nods and affirmative exclamations (“Yes,” “I understand,” etc.). It is not recommended to finish a person’s sentences, even if you understand him. Allow him to fully and independently express his thoughts.

An important element of active listening is asking questions. If you ask questions, it means you are listening. Answers help you clarify information, help the other person clarify it, or move on to the desired topic.

You should notice a person's emotions. If you say that you notice what emotions he experiences, it means that he is imbued with trust in you.

Active Listening Techniques

Let's look at active listening techniques:

• Pause. This technique helps you think about what has been said. Sometimes a person is silent simply because he does not have time to think about something more than he originally wanted to say.
• Clarification. This technique is used to clarify and clarify what has been said. If this technique is not used, then the interlocutors often figure out for each other what is unclear to them.
• Retelling. This technique helps to find out how correctly the interlocutor’s words were understood. Either the interlocutor will confirm them or clarify them.
• Development of thought. This technique is used as a development of the topic of conversation, when the interlocutor supplements the information with his own data.
• Reporting perception. This technique involves expressing thoughts about the interlocutor.
• A message about self-perception. This technique involves expressing personal feelings and changes that occur during the conversation.
• Message about the progress of the conversation. This technique expresses an assessment of how communication between interlocutors proceeds.

Active Listening Techniques

When talking about active listening techniques, we are talking about understanding the words of the speaker more than they convey. This is the so-called penetration into the inner world of the speaker, understanding his feelings, emotions and motives.

In everyday life, this method is called empathy, which manifests itself on three levels:

1. Empathy is the expression of the same feelings as the interlocutor. If he cries, then you cry with him.
2. Sympathy is an offer of one's help, seeing the emotional suffering of the interlocutor.
3. Sympathy is a good-natured and positive attitude towards the interlocutor.

Some people are born with an innate tendency to empathy, others are forced to learn it. This is possible through I-statements and active listening techniques.

To penetrate the inner world of your interlocutor, Carl Rogers offers the following techniques:

• Constant fulfillment of obligations.
• Expression of feelings.
• Participation in the inner life of the interlocutor.
• Lack of character roles.

We are talking about empathic listening, when a person not only listens to what is said to him, but also perceives hidden information, participates in a monologue in simple phrases, expresses appropriate emotions, paraphrases the words of the interlocutor and directs them in the right direction.

Empathic listening involves remaining silent and allowing the other person to talk. A person must distance himself from his own thoughts, emotions and desires. He completely focuses on the interests of the interlocutor. Here you should not express your opinion or evaluate information. To a greater extent, we are talking about empathy, support, sympathy.

Active listening methods are discussed on the website:

1. Paraphrasing is the retelling of meaningful and important phrases in your own words. It helps to hear your own statements from the outside or the meaning that they convey.
2. Echo technique - repeating the words of the interlocutor.
3. Summarizing is a brief transfer of the meaning of the information expressed. It looks like conclusions of the conversation.
4. Emotional repetition is a retelling of what was heard with the manifestation of emotions.
5. Clarification – asking questions to clarify what was said. Indicates that the speaker was listened to and even tried to understand.
6. The logical consequence is an attempt to make assumptions about the motives of what was said, the development of the future or situation.
7. Non-reflective listening (attentive silence) - silently listening, delving into the words of the interlocutor, since you can miss important information.
8. – establishing eye contact with the interlocutor.
9. Verbal signs - continuing the conversation and indicating that you are listening to it: “yes, yes,” “continue,” “I’m listening to you.”
10. Mirror reflection is an expression of the same emotions as the interlocutor.

Examples of active listening

Active listening can be used anywhere two people meet. To a greater extent, it plays an important role in the sphere of work and relationships. A striking example would be sales, when the seller listens carefully to what the buyer needs and offers possible options, expands the range.

Active listening in sales, as in other areas of life, is necessary to allow a person to trust and talk about his problems. When making contact, people have certain motives that are often unspoken. To help a person open up, you need to establish contact with him.

Another example of active listening is communicating with a child. He should be understood, his experiences should be recognized, the problems with which he came should be clarified. Often active listening is useful for encouraging a child to take action when he not only complains, but also receives useful advice, what can be done next.

Active listening is used in all types of relationships where the element of trust and cooperation becomes important. Between friends, between relatives, between business partners and other categories of people, active listening is effective.

Active listening exercises

Active listening should be developed in yourself. This becomes possible with the following exercise:

• A group of people is taken and divided into pairs. For a certain time, one of the partners will play the role of the listener, and the second - the speaker.
• For 5 minutes, the speaker talks about a couple of his personal problems, focusing on the reasons for the difficulties. The listener uses all the techniques and techniques of active listening.
• Within 1 minute after the exercise, the speaker talks about what helped him open up and what hindered him. This allows the listener to understand own mistakes, if they were available.
• For the next 5 minutes the speaker should talk about his strengths, which help him establish contacts with people. The listener continues to use the techniques and techniques of active listening, taking into account his own mistakes made last time.
• For the next 5 minutes, the listener must retell everything that he understood from both stories of the speaker. At the same time, the speaker is silent and only with a nod of his head confirms or denies the correctness of whether the listener understood him or not. The listener in a situation of disagreement with him must correct himself until he receives confirmation. The end of this exercise is that the speaker can clarify where he was misunderstood or misunderstood.
• Then the speaker and listener change roles and go through all the stages again. Now the listener speaks, and the speaker listens carefully and uses active listening techniques.

At the end of the exercise, the results are summed up: which role was the most difficult, what were the mistakes of the participants, what should have been done, etc. This exercise not only allows you to rehearse active listening skills, but also to see the barriers of communication between people, to see them in real life.

Bottom line

Speech is one of the ways to build relationships and connections. Active listening is a method of successfully establishing contacts between people who are interested in it. The result of its application can please and surprise many people.

The culture of modern communication is quite low. People talk a lot, often without listening to their interlocutors. When silence occurs, most often people are immersed in their own thoughts. And when a conversation arises, people try to interpret what they hear in their own way. All this leads to misunderstanding and incorrect decision-making based on the results.

Developing active listening eliminates all communication problems. Establishing friendly contacts is the initial advantage of this technique.

Surely you have already heard somewhere about active listening method, but, as often happens, you heard it - but you can’t remember what the meaning is. Of course, there is nothing better than reading books on this topic, for example, K. Rogers “Counseling and Psychotherapy”, Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?", or T. Gordon “Training an Effective Parent.” But if this is not possible, you can quickly and without wasting time learn the active listening method by reading this article.

A little history or who invented the active listening method?

The active listening method is a technique used in the practice of socio-psychological training, psychological counseling and psychotherapy, which allows you to more accurately understand psychological states, feelings, thoughts of the interlocutor with the help of special techniques of participation in the conversation, implying the active expression of one’s own experiences and considerations.

Where did this method come from? The author of the active listening method is Carl Rogers.- American, humanistic psychotherapist. Rogers was initially interested in problems of child psychology, which was reflected in his book Clinical Treatment of the Problem Child (1939). But his book is most famous "Counseling and Psychotherapy" where the Principles of Rogerian therapy are set out - this is a non-judgmental acceptance of the individual and his expressions, an open response. This book is the same useful for both the account manager and the parent.

“Four basic elements create the foundation of profitable and meaningful relationships: consistent fulfillment of obligations, expression of feelings, absence of specific roles, and the ability to participate in the inner life of another.”

The essence of the active listening method in communicating with a child

To briefly describe this method: you need to listen and hear more than what is told to you, directing your interlocutor in the right direction with short phrases. The child must not only speak out, you invisibly participate in his monologue, with simple phrases and repetitions of his own words, only in other words, you direct his thoughts towards analyzing the situation. This accessible and simple method is often called - empathic listening. The main thing is to be able to detach yourself from your own thoughts, feelings and judgments. This is very important key point – at the moment of active listening, you should not express your own thoughts, express your assessments of this or that event or the child’s action. It is the desire to express one’s opinion, to impose one’s point of view, to express an assessment of an event that is so difficult for most parents to refuse. But if you can restrain yourself, the result may exceed all your expectations.

“The father of a fifteen-year-old girl, returning from a parenting course where he was introduced to active listening, found his daughter in the kitchen chatting with her classmate. The teenagers discussed school in unflattering terms. “I sat down on a chair,” my father later said, “and decided to actively listen to them, no matter what it cost me. As a result, the guys talked without closing their mouths for two and a half hours, and during this time I learned more about my daughter’s life than in the previous few years!” - from the book “Communicate with the child. How?".

A few simple rules for active listening

Involved attention

Turn your face, look into the eyes, do not ask questions when the child is upset (the sentences must be in the affirmative form).

Retelling what you heard in your own words

Express interest. You can repeat after your interlocutor (use other words with the same meaning), in this case after the child, the last words, or nod and say interjections, short phrases: yes, I understand, this is really so, etc.

You can retell in your own words what you heard so that the child understands that you are really listening to him and to clarify whether you heard him correctly.

Daughter: I won't wear this terrible skirt

Mother: you feel uncomfortable in it.

The mother's usual reaction: stop it, she suits you very well.

Affirmative phrases

These are phrases that show that you hear and understand the child.

Son: I won’t hang out with Petya anymore!

Parent: You were offended by him.

Habitual reaction: Did you have a fight again?

The secret is that a phrase framed as a question does not reflect empathy.

Often the question: “What happened?” a distressed child answers: “Nothing!”, and if you say: “Something happened...”, then it is easier for the child to start talking about what happened.

Hold a pause

Very important in conversation "keep a pause." A pause gives the child the opportunity to think, and the parent to distance himself from his thoughts, feelings, assessments and problems.

Label the feeling

In order for a child to understand his feelings, he needs help.

Daughter (with a gloomy look): I’m no longer friends with Masha!

Mother: You don’t want to play with her anymore. (Repeat what was heard). (usual reaction: Why?)

Daughter: Yes, I don’t want to...

Mother (after a pause): You were offended by her... (Designation of feelings).

After everything you have heard, it is permissible to express your feelings towards the subject of the conversation (It was unpleasant for you - it really hurts me to hear this, etc.)

At the end of the conversation, you can summarize by asking questions: Did I understand correctly that...? As a result, we can say that..., As far as I understood this..., it was about..., As a result....

Example of a conversation using the active listening method

“... Mom puts four-year-old Masha to bed, and the girl asks to sit with her.

DAUGHTER: Mommy, just a little more, just a little bit!

MOM: Mashenka, it’s late, all the guys are sleeping.

DAUGHTER: Alone and alone all day, I don’t want any more!

MOTHER: You play with the kids in the garden all day long... (Remembers active listening.) You feel lonely...

DAUGHTER: Yes, there are a lot of kids, but mom is not allowed into the garden.

MOM: You miss me.

DAUGHTER: I miss you, and Sasha Petrov is fighting.

MOM: You're angry with him.

DAUGHTER: He broke my game!

MOM: And you were upset...

DAUGHTER: No, I pushed him so as not to break him, and he hit me on the back with a cube.

MOTHER: It hurt... (Pause.)

DAUGHTER: It hurts, but you’re not here!

MOTHER: You wanted your mother to feel sorry for you.

DAUGHTER: I wanted to go with you...

MOTHER: Let’s go... (Pause.) DAUGHTER: You promised to take Igor and me to the zoo, I’m still waiting, but you’re not taking me!”

What interferes with active listening and what should be avoided when talking with a child

• Orders, commands;
• warnings, warnings, threats;
• moralization, moral teaching, sermons;
• ready-made advice and solutions;
• evidence, giving logical arguments, reading notations, “lectures”;
• criticism, reprimands, accusations;
• calling names, insulting, ridiculing;
• use of guesswork, interpretation;
• questioning, investigation;
• verbal sympathy, persuasion, exhortations,
• laughing it off, avoiding a conversation.

As a result, analyzing the method, we get a simple scheme for communication:

Attention expressed in posture – repetition of phrases – affirmative phrase – pause – designation of feelings – expression of one’s perception – results.

Conversation on active listening method is very unusual for our culture, and it is not easy to master.

“How often do we leave children alone with the burden of various experiences with our decisive “It’s too late!” "It's time to sleep", while a few minutes of listening could truly calm the child before bed,” he argues in his book Julia Gippenreiter.

It is important to remember one simple rule - any method, book, theory, technique you read will come to life only when you apply it every day. At first, you will have to pull yourself together, correct yourself so as not to return to your previous, habitual reactions (“what a horror! You broke a vase, and even got hurt!”, etc.) But soon, you will feel how the method of active listening becomes part of your manners of behavior. That’s when the real miraculous transformations will begin: relationships with children will move to a new qualitative level: understanding each other.

American psychologist Virginia Satir emphasized that if an adult cannot listen to a child, he should not even pretend to listen. If a child has a problem that he considers important, you need to give him your full attention.

Active listening involves not only a general interest in the partner’s personality, but also the ability to listen. And “actively” listening to a child means returning to him in a conversation what he told, while indicating his feeling.

Using a special technique of active listening called tuning technique, The teacher can obtain the information he is interested in. Attuning to a child as a communication partner presupposes special attention to him and the ability to put oneself in his place. At the same time, it is very important that the teacher does not rush to conclusions, but checks his assumptions and makes sure that he understood the child correctly.

The conversation to clarify the circumstances of the conflict should take place in a calm, relaxed atmosphere in which all participants would feel as free as possible. It is important for the teacher to structure the conversation, but not to dominate it. He should consider himself as a mediator, an assistant in resolving the conflict. You need to start by listening to each side. It is helpful to set some rules at the beginning of the conversation. It is very important to observe the following principle: if at the moment one of the participants in the conflict is being listened to, and he begins to understand that his problem is being delved into, then it is necessary to somehow make it clear to the other participant that he will be listened to just as carefully.

The following needs to be discussed:

1. What happened? (formulate the essence of the conflict).

2. What led to the conflict? Why did this happen? (find out the reasons).

3. What feelings did the conflict cause among the participants in the collision (define, name the feelings).

4. What to do in this situation? (find a solution).

When receiving information from a child, you should not “spin emotions”, but transfer them to a rational level. Often, when receiving information from participants in a conflict, you can encounter a “self-twisting” effect. In the situation of this effect, the child himself draws conclusions from his own words, gradually increasing their emotional intensity. Therefore, the teacher should keep in mind the need to obtain truthful answers to questions and try to take the following actions in a situation of conflict communication:

Cope with the emotional background of the situation, begin to manage the child’s behavior (“let’s sit down and talk”, “drink some water and calm down”), relieve him of emotional stress (“calm down first, then we’ll talk”, distract him from the situation (“how do you look at it?” , that X will participate in our conversation...");

Get answers to the questions: what happened (unambiguous facts, disconnected from emotions) and who are the witnesses;

Determine the consequences of the development of the situation and whether it makes sense to get involved in it;

Understand the motivation for seeking help and taking the conflict situation to oneself. Try to make a preliminary forecast about the motives of the parties to the conflict;

Find a withdrawal option negative energy situations from your own consciousness (anger, irritation about the conflict that happened). Otherwise, you may experience the physiological consequences of negative states. Here, strict principles of protection are fully justified, especially if the conflict is serious.

It is important for a teacher to learn the technique of active listening when working with children. The techniques used in active listening are the most effective for information management of communication, especially in potentially conflict situations. It should be noted that the use of active listening techniques is justified:

When the situation allows you to understand slowly and in detail the events that are happening or have occurred;

The teacher has the responsibility of a consultant-expert in a conflict situation.

When recommending this technique, psychologists proceed from the fact that if you show a child that he is really being listened to, understood and sympathized with, then the severity of the conflict is reduced: it is important for the child to feel heard and understood. This is the same principle that an angry person should be allowed to express his emotions in words and be made to understand that a certain amount of sympathy is being expressed.

Psychologists emphasize that when listening to a child, it is important to perceive two things: the content - that is, what was said, and his feelings.

The main thing is to hear and perceive the true feelings of the speaker. During the conversation, the teacher must note:

Conversation style - increased emotional tone of the child’s speech, reproaches, justifications, statements reflecting the interests of those in conflict, ignoring the partner’s reaction and weak feedback;

Characteristics of behavior - avoiding conversation, stopping playing, or joint activities, its poor quality implementation; intense self-control of behavior, confusion.

When using active listening techniques, you must follow the following rules:

Put yourself in the child’s shoes to understand what he says and how he feels; listen with empathy, focusing on the subject of the conversation;

Treat the speaker (child) with respect;

Listen carefully without making judgments;

Express your opinion about what you heard so that the child understands that he is really being listened to;

Highlight what was not understood or about which there are doubts;

Encourage the child to continue the conversation, using statements that help in this: support (encouragement, approval), clarification, clarification;

Repeat the most important thoughts and feelings, i.e. confirm, reflect the content of the child’s information and feelings;

Show acceptance and understanding of the child, recognizing the significance of the problem, through non-verbal means: tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, gaze, posture;

Do not interrupt, do not give advice or suggestions; do not give examples of similar feelings from your own experience;

Stay neutral, don't take sides.

An example of conducting a conversation using the rules of active listening

Situation.
Two boys Sasha and Vanya started a game with Garage cars in the group (game) room. Each of them took cars for the game, and they began to build garages for cars from a wooden constructor. Sasha built a large garage against the wall, and he had enough space to build a road, and his friend Vanya built it on the carpet, where there was less space and there was nowhere to build a road. Then Vanya, to make the game more interesting, began driving his cars along the road built by Sasha, who, seeing this, began to warn Vanya not to do this. Vanya asked to be allowed to drive his cars along his road, to which Sasha rudely replied: “No, we had to build our own road!” - and pushed Vanya away.

He burst into tears out of resentment and injustice and began to break down the road that Sasha had built. And Sasha, without thinking twice, broke Vanya’s garage, and a fight broke out between them, the game was interrupted. The children came running at the noise, and the teacher entered, who at that time was drawing up a work plan in the bedroom. To the question: “What happened?” - None of the boys could answer right away, since both were crying, and Vanya had a red scratch on his hand, the sight of which made him cry even more.

So, at first the children were peaceful. Both were busy with the same thing. And yet it all ended in tears. The interests of these children were similar, but not the same, not identical, which revealed the opposite direction of their interests. The boy Vanya at some point in the game wanted to change the situation. As long as each child respected invisible territorial boundaries, their interests were aligned. But Vanya’s desire to drive along the road that his friend built ran into the opposite desire of Sasha: he wants to drive along this road himself, this is the opposite direction. Vanya wants changes, but

Sasha wants stability, this contradiction led to conflicting actions of the children. If Vanya and Sasha had built this road together to play together, the conflict would not have occurred.

Hearing the crying, the teacher approached the crying child and asked: “Did Sasha offend you?”

Vanya
(continuing to cry). He pushes me and chases me away.
Educator. He pushed you, did you fall and hurt yourself?
Vanya. Yes. He won't let me play.
Educator. Doesn't he want to play with you? Vanya (already calm). Yes. I wanted to play with him, but he didn't

allows and pushes.

Educator. Are you offended by him? Vanya. Yes. I won't hang out with him anymore. Educator. Don't you want to be friends with him anymore?

Vanya. Yes. Don't want.

Educator. Who else would you like to play with?

V and n I. With Dima and Katya.

Educator. OK. Let's go see what they're doing.

This dialogue makes it possible to pay attention to some important features and rules of conversation using the method of active listening.

If the teacher wants to listen to the child, be sure to turn to face him - so that the eyes of the child and the adult are at the same level. If the child is small, you should sit on a lower chair and move it closer to the baby. The adult's position in relation to the child and posture are the first and strongest signals about how ready they are to listen and hear him.

If your child is upset and upset, you should not immediately ask him questions. It is advisable that the adult’s words sound in an affirmative form. The difference between an affirmative and an interrogative sentence is very slight, sometimes it is just subtle intonation, and the reaction to them can be very different. Often the question: “What happened?” - a distressed child answers: “Nothing!”, And if you say: “Something happened...” - then it is easier for the child to start talking about what happened.

>Very important in conversation "keep a pause." We must remember that this time belongs to the child; an adult should refrain from his comments and considerations. A pause helps the child understand his experience and at the same time more fully feel that an adult is nearby. You should also remain silent after the child’s answer - maybe he will add something. You can find out that a child is not ready to hear an adult’s response by looking at his appearance. If his eyes look to the side, “inward” or into the distance, then he must continue to be silent: because very important and necessary internal work is happening in the child.

It is sometimes useful for the teacher to repeat what he understands happened to the child, and then indicate his feeling, but in such a way that the child does not get the impression that he is being mocked when his words are repeated. It is advisable to use other words with the same meaning. In our example, the word “to hang around” is replaced by the word “to be friends.”

It should be noted that mastering the technique of active listening is not easy, but it is very effective.

Firstly, the child’s negative experience disappears or at least greatly weakens. There is a remarkable pattern here: shared joy is doubled, shared grief is halved.

Secondly, the child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to tell more about himself. Sometimes in one conversation a whole chain of problems and sorrows can unexpectedly appear.

Thirdly, the child himself moves forward in solving his problem.

So, active listening is a way to establish better contact with a child, as well as a way to show that he is certainly accepted with all his shortcomings, refusals, troubles, and experiences.

But there are moments that interfere with active listening and that should be avoided in a conversation with a child, these are:

Orders, commands;

Warnings, cautions, threats;

Moralization, moral teaching, sermons;

Ready-made advice and solutions;

Proofs, giving logical arguments, reading notations, “lectures”;

Criticism, reprimands, accusations;

Name-calling, insulting, ridiculing;

Use of guesswork, interpretation;

Questioning, investigation;

Verbal sympathy, persuasion, exhortations,

Making jokes, avoiding conversation.

ACTIVE LISTENING TECHNIQUES FOR PRESCHOOL CHILDREN

Teacher - psychologist

I care about you, I accept you, I understand you." Such a message, given to the child as basic basis conversation will affect the way he thinks and feels (towards himself and others).

The reasons for a child's difficulties are often hidden in the sphere of his feelings. Then practical actions - showing, teaching, guiding - will not help him. In such cases, the best thing to do is... listen to him. True, differently than we are used to. Psychologists have found and described in great detail the method of “helping listening,” otherwise it is called “active listening.”
What does it mean to actively listen to a child?

In all cases, when a child is upset, offended, has failed, when he is hurt, ashamed, scared, when he has been treated rudely or unfairly, and even when he is very tired, the first thing to do is to let him know that you know about his experience (or state), “hear” him.
To do this, it is best to say what exactly, in your impression, the child is feeling now. It is advisable to call this feeling or experience “by name”. If a child has an emotional problem, he needs to be actively listened to.

Actively listening to a child means “returning” to him in a conversation what he told you, while indicating his feeling.

Let's give an example:

Mom enters her daughter's room and sees a mess.

MOTHER: Nina, you still haven’t cleaned your room!
DAUGHTER: Well, mom, later!
MOM You really don’t want to clean up right now...
DAUGHTER (suddenly throws herself on her mother’s neck): Mommy, how wonderful you are!

Another case.
Dad and son were hurrying to catch the bus. The bus was the last one, and there was no way to be late for it. On the way, the boy asked to buy a chocolate bar, but his dad refused. Then the offended son began to sabotage his father’s haste: to lag behind, look around, stop for some “urgent” matters. Dad was faced with a choice: he couldn’t be late, and he also didn’t want to drag his son by the hand. And then he remembered our advice, “Denis,” he turned to his son, “you were upset because I didn’t buy you a chocolate bar, you were upset and offended by me.”
As a result, something happened that dad didn’t expect at all: the boy peacefully put his hand in his dad’s, and they quickly walked towards the bus.

Of course, conflicts are not always resolved so quickly. Sometimes a child, feeling his father or mother’s readiness to listen and understand him, willingly continues to talk about what happened. The adult can only actively listen to him further.

Let's give an example of a longer conversation in which the mother “voiced” several times what she heard and saw while talking with a crying child.
Mom is busy talking about business. Her five-year-old daughter and ten-year-old son are playing in the next room. Suddenly there is a loud cry. The crying approaches my mother's door, and the handle from the corridor begins to twitch. Mom opens the door, a crying daughter stands in front of her, buried in the doorframe, and a confused son stands behind her.

DAUGHTER: Oooh!
MOM: Misha offended you... (Pause.)
DAUGHTER (continues to cry): He dropped me!
MOTHER: He pushed you, you fell and hurt yourself... (Pause.)
DAUGHTER (stopping crying, but still in an offended tone): No, he didn’t catch me.
MOTHER: You were jumping from somewhere, but he couldn’t hold you, and you fell... (Pause.)

Misha, who stands behind with a guilty look, nods his head affirmatively.

DAUGHTER (already calm): Yes... I want to come to you. (Climbs onto mom's lap.)
MOTHER (after a while): You want to be with me, but you are still offended by Misha and don’t want to play with him...
DAUGHTER: No. He listens to his records there, but I’m not interested.
MISHA: Okay, let's go, I'll play your record for you...

There are some important features and additional conversation rules for active listening.
First, if you want to listen to your child, be sure to face him. It is also very important that his eyes and yours are at the same level. If the child is small, sit down next to him, take him in your arms or on your knees; You can lightly pull the child towards you, approach or move your chair closer to him.

Avoid communicating with your child while in another room, facing the stove or the sink with dishes; watching TV, reading the newspaper; sitting, leaning back or lying on the sofa. Your position in relation to him and your posture are the first and strongest signals about how ready you are to listen and hear him. Be very attentive to these signals, which a child of any age “reads” well, without even being consciously aware of it.

Secondly, if you are talking to an upset or upset child, you should not ask him questions. It is advisable that your answers sound in the affirmative.

Conversation using the method of active listening is very unusual in our culture, and it is not easy to master. However, this method will quickly win your favor once you see the results it gives. There are at least three of them. They can also be signs that you are listening to your child well. Let's list them:

1. The child’s negative experience disappears or at least greatly weakens. There is a remarkable pattern here: shared joy is doubled, shared grief is halved.

2. The child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to tell more and more about himself: the theme of the story (complaint) changes and develops. Sometimes in one conversation a whole tangle of problems and sorrows unexpectedly unwinds.

3. The child himself moves forward in solving his problem.

Success inspires parents, they begin to have a different attitude towards “technology” and at the same time notice something new in themselves. They feel that they are becoming more sensitive to the child’s needs and sorrows and are more able to accept his “negative” feelings. Parents say that over time they begin to find more patience in themselves, become less irritated with the child, and better see how and why he feels bad. It turns out that the “technique” of active listening turns out to be a means of transforming parents. We think we are “applying” it to children, but it changes us. This is its wonderful hidden property.

Literature

B, “Communicate with the child. How?” / M. Astrel Publishing House, 2006. “I’m listening to you” / M.: 1984. “We continue to communicate with the child So?” M.

Astrel Publishing House, 2008.