Active listening technique. How does this work? Active listening technique (for yourself) Active listening techniques in communication with parents

Active listening is a technique that allows you to more accurately understand psychological states, feelings, thoughts of the interlocutor with the help of special techniques of participation in the conversation, implying the active expression of one’s own thoughts and experiences. This technique will really allow you to build strong trusting relationships and understand what the child really feels.

Basic principles active listening:

I want to hear what the child has to say.

I want to help the child.

I accept and take the child's feelings seriously.

I understand that emotions are temporary.

I believe that my child will cope with the situation, and I will help him with this.

What to do?

Your child comes home crying and doesn’t want to explain what’s wrong. How to understand what exactly is bothering your son or daughter when the worst immediately comes to mind? Perhaps his phone was stolen or he got into a fight with hooligans, or maybe he just got bad grade and now he’s afraid to admit it?

Do not try to “extort” information from him; with strong pressure, a child, like a teenager, becomes even more withdrawn. Use active listening techniques.

Read also:

• Why do we like to help others and where does the habit of doing good begin?
• Maryana Bezrukikh: “At no age does a child owe anything”

Technique No. 1. Pause

You stop and give your child a chance to think. Often after a pause there is a desire to say something else that I would previously like to keep silent about. Psychologically, a pause gives both you and the child the opportunity to step away from yourself and simply think: what does the interlocutor want to let me understand?

Technique No. 2. Retelling or paraphrase

If you are listening to a child who is trying to tell you about problems at school, you can repeat what you just said in your own words. This will provide “feedback” and the opportunity to clarify the situation, and the child himself will hear everything from the outside. As a result, you will show that you listened, the child will understand what the essence of the problem is and will receive confirmation that he was understood.

“Mom, that stupid Pashka pushed me again today, and he’s also calling me names because of my glasses,” second-grader Lena begins to whine.

- Oh, so he calls names and fights? – Mom asks, nodding her head.

– Yes, and all the time! Well, what did I do to him?..

The child opens up gradually, giving out new details of the problem, which can ultimately lead to clarification of the causes of the conflict.

Technique #3: Reporting Perception

Talk about what you think about the problem. “I see that it’s hard for you.” “I understand that this is very offensive.” “Now I see how important it is for you to resolve this issue.” This way the child will understand that emotionally you are on the same wavelength.

“Sasha, dear, I understand that you are very worried about the VPR in Russian, don’t worry,” says my mother.

“I won’t succeed, you don’t understand anything!” – Sasha starts up.

– It will work out, and I understand you perfectly, as a child I was always worried about tests.

Technique No. 4. Development of thought

These are the listener’s attempts to pick up and further advance the flow of the interlocutor’s main thought when the child is lost in emotions or phrases.

Clarify with him what he meant, but carefully and in the form of a request. Clarification and development help maintain understanding of feelings.

“I like Seryozha, but I don’t understand what’s wrong, he constantly walks with Katya, and yesterday with Zhenya, and when he came up to me, I don’t know how it happened,” high school student Olya is confused in her words and switches to a whisper, then to a scream.

- Wait, honey, what happened when he approached you?

“He came up, but I couldn’t say anything to him and looked so stupid.

“You didn’t look stupid, honey, I’m sure.” Did you just remain silent?

Technique #5: Communicating Self-Perception

It is very important for a child to feel that you are on the same wavelength; moreover, it will be important for him to hear your own emotions. As a listener, communicate changes in your own perception of the problem while the child is talking.

“It was very painful for me to hear that you were so upset by the results of the test,” says Irina Nikolaevna to her student Olya.

All conflicts originate in misunderstanding, so talking and attempting dialogue rather than exchanging monologues is your main way to become friends with your child or student.

The material was prepared jointly with the National Mentoring Resource Center MENTORI (“Rybakov Fund”).

The main task of a parent is to describe the world around us. I have already written about grades and evaluation - what am I like, mom?! It is impossible to remain silent. In this context, the role of the parent is extremely important and cannot be ignored. In addition to realistically naming/evaluating/reflecting characteristics visible to the eye, an even more significant and necessary assessment for a child is the assessment of his inner world.

Active listening, or assisted listening, as it is also called, is designed to help the parent correctly identify the child’s feelings. I would rename it “understanding listening” so as not to introduce parents into a variegated association with the word “active”.

Psychologists are struggling to teach adult women and men to name their feelings, and even worse, to feel their feelings. Many adults really don't know the name of what they are experiencing inside. It is difficult to distinguish sadness from boredom, melancholy from sadness.

Therefore, it is important to start doing this in childhood - to name the feelings experienced by a child in the same way as we call them trees and mushrooms in the forest. Young mothers have already made it a very useful habit to talk to their babies, describing to them literally everything around them. The next step is to accustom yourself to describing/naming/reflecting/evaluating everything that is inside the child.

Active listening involves the ability to “return” to the child what he is talking about emotionally, while labeling his emotions. For example, when the baby screams - "She took my doll away from me!", the parent tells her her feelings - “You are angry and sad with her”; "I won't go to class!" - “You don’t want to go to classes anymore”; “I won’t wear this dress!” - “You don’t like this dress.”

The parent acknowledges the child's feelings. Thus, he legitimizes them, accepts the child’s right to have these feelings.

The usual answers for parents are “ She will play and give back", "Classes cannot be missed", "This beautiful dress! " - are quite obvious, but do not fulfill the main parental task. These messages tell the child that his experiences are not noticed, and therefore are not important and are not taken into account.

By responding from the position of an active listener, the parent “voices” the child’s feelings and emotions. The more often this happens, the faster the child learns to recognize and differentiate his experiences.

At the same time, the voiceover shows the child that the parent understands his internal state, and he accepts it. Acceptance is the most important and significant condition for a child to live next to his parents, influencing his future destiny. And most often, what a child needs is understanding of his feelings and acceptance of them, that is, permission to have them as they are. Demanding a book, a car, a doll, or punishing a brother is just compensation for misunderstood and unaccepted feelings. By showing understanding and acceptance through voicing the child’s feelings, the parent sometimes miraculously resolves brewing conflicts and disputes.

During active listening, it is important to follow several rules:

1. You need to talk to your child by turning your face towards him so that your eyes are at the same level. For a child, this is a sign of the parent’s willingness to listen and hear.
2. The child’s strong emotional intensity requires constructing phrases in an affirmative form. If a child is obviously upset, angry or crying, they should not be asked questions about their condition, e.g. Are you offended?". The affirmative answer is " You're offended by her" - will indicate to the child sympathy, but the question of sympathy does not imply.
3. In a conversation, it is important not to fill the silence with your thoughts and comments. After each phrase, it is better to pause so that the child can more fully feel the presence of the parent next to his feelings and live his experience. During pauses, a lot happens inner work, which can be seen by external signs— the child looks to the side, inward or into the distance.
4. The parent can first name what happened, and then reflect the child’s feelings. For example, “I won’t play with Tanya anymore!”- can be described as reluctance to be friends - "You don't want to be friends with her anymore", and then the child will most likely confirm this, after which the parent reflects his state - " Are you angry with her?". Here the parent may not guess what really happened the first time. This is not scary, it is more important to correctly name his feelings. The child himself will correct and direct him to the correct description of what happened if he sees that the parent accepts his experiences.

Active listening actually produces great results:

• Understanding and accepting feelings works to reduce negative affects and enhance positive ones.
• The child begins to talk more about himself when he is convinced that his parents are ready to accept his experiences.
• By unwinding the tangle of unvoiced feelings, the parent helps the child to move forward in resolving his questions and problems.
• An unobvious, but pleasant bonus is the fact that children learn active listening from their parents and begin to use this technique on their parents themselves.
• Another bonus for parents is their own transformation: they more easily accept the child’s negative experiences, while simultaneously becoming more sensitive to his conditions.

The latter result, in turn, facilitates the use of active listening, transferring it from the category of initially inconvenient techniques to the category of a skill and art of communication.

The reasons for a child's difficulties are often hidden in the sphere of his feelings. Then practical actions - showing, teaching, guiding - will not help him. In such cases, it is best... listen to the child. True, differently than we are used to. Psychologists have found and described in great detail a method "active listening" What does it mean to actively listen to a child? Here are some situations:

1. A mother is sitting on a bench in the park, and her baby runs up to her in tears: “He took my car!”
2. The son returns from school, throws his briefcase on the floor in anger, and answers his father’s question: “I won’t go there again!”
3. The daughter is going for a walk; Mom reminds us that we need to dress warmly, but the daughter is capricious: she refuses to put on “that ugly hat.”

In all cases, when a child is upset, offended, has failed, when he is hurt, ashamed, scared, when he has been treated rudely or unfairly, and even when he is very tired, the first thing to do is let him know that you know about his experience (or condition), “hear” him. To do this, it is best to say what exactly you think the child is feeling now. Preferably call “by name” this feeling or experience.

Actively listening to a child means “returning” to him in a conversation what he told you, while indicating his feeling.

Let's return to our examples and select phrases in which parents name the child's feelings:

SON: He took my car!
MOM: You are very upset and angry with him.
SON: I won't go there again!
DAD: You don't want to go to school anymore.
DAUGHTER: I can't wear this ugly hat!
MOM: You don't like her very much.

Most likely, such answers will seem unusual and even unnatural to you. It would be much easier and more common to say:

- Well, it’s okay, he’ll play and give it back...
- How come you don’t go to school?!
– Stop being capricious, it’s a pretty decent hat!

Despite all the apparent justice of these answers, they have one common drawback: leaving the child alone with his experience. With their advice or critical remark, parents tell the child that his experience is not important, it is not taken into account. On the contrary, answers based on the method of active listening show that the parents understood the child’s internal situation and were ready, having heard more about it, to accept it. Such literal sympathy from mom or dad makes a very special impression on the child (it has no less, and sometimes much greater, influence on the parents themselves). Many parents who first tried to calmly “voice” their child’s feelings talk about unexpected, sometimes miraculous results. Here are two real cases.

Mom enters her daughter's room and sees a mess.
MOTHER: Nina, haven’t you cleaned your room yet?
DAUGHTER: Well, mom, later.
MOM: You really don’t want to clean right now.
DAUGHTER (suddenly throws herself on her mother’s neck): Mommy, how wonderful you are!

Another case was told by the father of a seven-year-old boy.

She and her son were in a hurry to catch the bus. The bus was the last one, and there was no way to be late for it. On the way, the boy asked to buy a chocolate bar, but his dad refused. Then the offended son began to sabotage his father’s haste: to lag behind, look around, stop for some “urgent” matters. Dad was faced with a choice: he couldn’t be late, and he also didn’t want to drag his son by the hand. And then he remembered our advice. “Denis,” he turned to his son, “you were upset because I didn’t buy you a chocolate bar, you were upset and offended by me.” As a result, something happened that dad didn’t expect at all: the boy peacefully put his hand in his dad’s, and they quickly headed to the bus.

Of course, conflicts are not always resolved so quickly. Sometimes a child, feeling his father or mother’s readiness to listen and understand him, willingly continues to talk about what happened. The adult can only actively listen to him further.

Some important features and additional rules of conversation using the method of active listening

1. If you want to listen to your child, be sure to turn to face him. It is also very important that his eyes and yours are at the same level. If the child is small, sit down next to him, take him in your arms or on your lap, you can slightly draw the child towards you, come up or move your chair closer to him. Avoid interacting with your child while in another room, facing the stove or sink with dishes, watching TV, reading a newspaper, sitting, reclining, or lying on the sofa. Your position in relation to him and your posture are the first and strongest signals about how ready you are to listen and hear him. Be very attentive to these signals, which a child of any age “reads” well, without even being consciously aware of it.

2. Secondly, if you are talking to an upset child, you should not ask him questions. It is advisable that your answers sound in the affirmative.

For example:

FATHER: You were offended by him.
Possible incorrect responses:
- What happened? Are you offended by him?

Why is the father's first phrase more successful? Because it immediately shows that the father is tuned in to the “emotional wave” of his son, that he hears and accepts his sadness, in the second case, the child may think that the father is not with him at all, but as an external participant is only interested in “facts”, asks about them. In fact, this may not be the case at all, and the father, asking the question, may well sympathize with his son, but the fact is that the phrase framed as a question does not reflect sympathy.

It would seem that the difference between affirmative and interrogative answers is very insignificant, sometimes it is just subtle intonation, and the reaction to them can be very different. Often the question “What happened?” the upset child replies “Nothing!” And if you say “Something happened...”, then it may be easier for the child to start talking about what happened.

3. It is very important to “keep a pause” in a conversation. After each of your remarks, it is best to remain silent. Remember that this time belongs to the child, do not overwhelm him with your thoughts and comments. A pause helps the child understand his experience and at the same time more fully feel that you are nearby. You can find out that the child is not yet ready to hear your response by looking at his appearance. If his eyes are not looking at you, but to the side, “inside” or into the distance, then continue to be silent - the child is now doing very important and necessary internal work.

4. In your answer, it is also sometimes useful to repeat what exactly you understand happened to the child, and then indicate his feeling. Thus, the father's answer in the previous example could consist of two phrases.

SON (with a gloomy look): I won’t hang out with Petya anymore.
FATHER: You don’t want to be friends with him anymore. (Repeat what was heard.)
SON: Yes, I don’t want to.
FATHER (after a pause): You were offended by him. (Designation of feeling.)

Sometimes parents fear that the child will perceive the repetition of his words as mimicking. This can be avoided by using other words with the same content. For example, in our example, the father replaced the word “get around” with “be friends.” Practice shows that even if you use the same phrases, but at the same time accurately guess the child’s experience, he, as a rule, does not notice anything unusual, and the conversation continues successfully.

Of course, it may happen that in your answer you did not accurately guess the event or feeling of the child. Don't worry, your child will correct you in the next phrase. Be attentive to his amendment and show that you accept it.

Results of active listening:

1. The child’s negative experience disappears or at least greatly weakens. There is a remarkable pattern here: shared joy is doubled, shared grief is halved.
2. The child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to tell more and more about himself: the theme of the story (complaint) changes and develops. Sometimes in one conversation a whole tangle of problems and sorrows unexpectedly unwinds.
3. The child himself moves forward in solving his problem.

Gradually, however, parents begin to discover at least two more remarkable changes of a more general nature.

First: Parents report that it is a miracle that their children themselves quickly begin to actively listen to them.

Second the change concerns the parents themselves. Very often, at the beginning of active listening classes, they share this unpleasant experience. “You say,” they turn to the psychologist, “that active listening helps to understand and feel the child’s problem, to talk to him heart to heart. At the same time you teach us a way or a method how to do it. Learn to construct phrases, find words, follow rules. What kind of heart-to-heart conversation is this? It turns out to be a complete “technique”, moreover, inconvenient and unnatural. Words don’t come to mind, phrases turn out clumsy and forced. And in general, it’s dishonest: we want the child to share his secrets with us, but we ourselves “apply” some methods to him.”
You often hear such or approximately similar objections in the first two or three lessons. But gradually the parents’ experiences begin to change. This usually happens after the first successful attempts to conduct a conversation with the child in a different way. Success inspires parents, they begin to have a different attitude towards “technology” and at the same time notice something new in themselves. They find that they become more sensitive to the child's needs and grief, and more easily accept his “negative” feelings. Parents say that over time they begin to find more patience in themselves, become less irritated with the child, and better see how and why he feels bad. It turns out that the “technique” of active listening turns out to be a means of transforming parents. We think we are “applying” it to children, but it changes us. This is its wonderful hidden property.

As for parents’ concerns about artificiality, “techniques” and “techniques,” one comparison that I often make in class helps overcome it.

It is well known that beginning ballerinas spend hours in exercises that are far from natural from the point of view of our usual ideas. For example, they learn positions that place their feet at different angles, including 180 degrees. With such an “inverted” position of the legs, ballerinas must freely maintain balance, squat, follow the movements of their arms... and all this is necessary so that later they can dance easily and freely, without thinking about any technique. The same goes for communication skills. They are difficult and sometimes unusual at first, but when you master them, the “technique” disappears and becomes the art of communication.

In the psychology of communication, it is important for a person to realize his own importance - when they are interested in him, listen carefully, and want to understand. The interaction of people in society is based on politeness and the basics of etiquette.

One of the new trends in communication skills is active listening technology. Its essence lies in a friendly attitude towards the interlocutor, the desire to understand him. Interest is the main technique of active listening. Knowledge of technology will help you gain the trust of your interlocutor and receive detailed information from him.

When communicating with children, it will allow you to better understand the child’s fears and experiences. He will learn to overcome his problems on his own. Parents and children will become more attentive and tolerant of each other. This will create harmonious relationships in the family.

Listening skills

During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively and competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. This is of great importance for mutual understanding with your counterpart. To be able to listen means to perceive the flow of information from the narrator. A person’s level of culture will allow him to politely listen to his interlocutor and tactfully refrain from harsh statements and disdainful facial expressions.

The ability to listen depends on personality type, intelligence, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional during listening, inattentive, and often interrupt the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.

Many professions involve listening skills. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. Efficiency and a culture of listening are important. There are special techniques that facilitate the perception of information. The technique of active listening will help support the interlocutor and show the significance of his story.

Types of hearing

Psychologists and communication researchers distinguish 4 types of listening.

Empathic Listening. This is the ability to read the feelings and emotions of the speaker. The ability to imagine yourself in the place of your interlocutor and empathize with him. Empathic listening is effective if the counterpart or his information evokes positive emotions.

Critical Listening. This is a targeted analysis of the information received. Her critical perception, understanding. This kind of listening is effective for making responsible decisions. It allows you to weigh the pros and cons, agree or disagree with the interlocutor.

Passive (non-reflective) listening. This type is used when the interlocutor needs to speak out. It implies minimal interference in the counterpart’s monologue.

Active (reflective) listening. This is the maximum establishment of feedback with the interlocutor. Active listening helps to win over your interlocutor. Allows you to influence his point of view. The technique of active listening indicates basic politeness and attention to the words of the interlocutor.

What is active listening?

Active listening is the semantic perception of information. This communication skill allows you to concentrate on the conversation, clarify details, and ask again. With the help of this technology, the interlocutor feels the need for his information and the interest of others in it.

The ability to conduct a conversation, perceive and understand the words of the speaker is possible only with a friendly attitude. Active listening, techniques and techniques contribute to the development trust relationships between interlocutors. This is a professional skill and an entire art that can take years to master.

The inability to establish dialogue and people’s alienation make the technology of active listening in demand. This process consists of several stages.

Basic stages of active listening

1. Sincere interest in a person, a desire to help him.
2. Attention to the interlocutor.
3. The ability to temporarily discard critical judgment and try to take the speaker’s place.
4. Create a favorable environment for the interlocutor, stimulating him to independently find a solution to the situation.

Interference with active listening

While listening, a person faces certain difficulties that interfere with the perception of information.

Internal interference- these are your own thoughts and experiences. They interfere with perception, forcing you to concentrate on one thought or a whole set of thoughts. A dreamy or sleepy state also interferes with active listening.

External interference- irritants that cause you to be distracted from the conversation. This may be the inability of the interlocutor to convey information (incoherence and slurred speech, its pace and volume), strangers or distracting noises (telephone, repair work, sounds of transport).

Active listening. Its types and techniques

The active listening technique is conventionally divided into 2 types: male and female.

Male view of active listening relates more to business communication skills. What is important here is the correct presentation of information, its understanding and analysis. Therefore, in active listening male appearance Most often, clarifying questions are asked: “where”, “how much”, “when”, “for what”, “how”.

Female view of active listening focused on feelings and emotions. The accuracy of the information is not so important here as the attitude towards it or the interlocutor. This allows you to step into your counterpart’s shoes and feel his mood and experiences.

During communication, you should pay attention to the words of your interlocutor and try to understand him. This will allow you to correctly select the appropriate active listening techniques. These include encouragement, repetition, reflection, generalization. They will help to better understand the narrator and promote sympathy between the interlocutors.

Active Listening Techniques

The main techniques of active listening are the desire to grasp the essence of the interlocutor’s speech and, if possible, help him. Mastery of these methods is achieved through constant training. Active listening techniques include:

Encouragement. It lies in interest, an expressed desire to listen to the interlocutor. At this stage, goodwill and the absence of evaluative opinions are important;

Repetition. It consists of clarifying questions and repetition of the speaker’s phrases. Verbal concentration on the main points of the conversation;

Reflection. It lies in understanding the emotions of the interlocutor. At this stage, you can copy the facial expressions or gestures of your interlocutor in moderate doses, thus expressing interest and complete mutual understanding;

Generalization. It consists of summing up the interlocutor’s speech. This is concentration on the main idea of ​​everything said and the selection of a compromise.

Examples of active listening

With regular use, it is easy to remember the basic techniques of active listening. Examples for training include encouraging and clarifying questions, sympathetic assent and head nodding.

Promotion interlocutor allows you to tune in to the conversation. Nonverbal methods (smile, nod, friendly look) can be used here. In addition to them - verbal ones. These are the words “uh-huh,” “continue, please,” “I’m listening to you carefully,” “how interesting.”

Repetition it is better to formulate in Then it will be easier for the interlocutor to point out the mistake and voice his own version of the phrase. These are the questions “do I understand you correctly?”, “is this what you wanted to say?”, “in other words...”.

Reflection- this is the ability to understand what is difficult to convey in words. The subtext can be read in facial expressions, voice modulation, increased or decreased intonation. These are the words “you are worried”, “you feel that...”, “it seems to you that...”.

Generalization or the resolution of a problem slips through several times during a conversation. An experienced interlocutor will definitely summarize, thereby making it clear that he listened carefully to the narrator and understood his main idea. These are the words “I think I understand what you wanted to say...”, “it seems that the most important thing here is...”, “if I understand correctly, you experienced...”, “in general, you decided that...”.

Active Listening Questions

During a conversation, you should not be distracted, but you should try to understand the essence of the interlocutor’s speech. Find out what he wants to say and why. It is necessary to ask clarifying questions in a timely manner. They will help you understand your interlocutor faster.

Open questions require a detailed answer. The more there are, the more voluminous the information received will become. These are the questions “how”, “in what way”, “how much”, “why”, “why”.

Closed questions require a short unambiguous answer “yes” or “no”. They should not be overused - they create an atmosphere of interrogation. They are best used at the end of a conversation to find out the state of the interlocutor. Did you manage to come to an agreement with him and come to one decision?

Alternative questions consist of two parts. The first part is an open question. The second part - two or more answer options. The interlocutor is given the opportunity to choose the desired option.

Errors in the application of technology

Active listening techniques in psychology contribute to the full building of relationships in society. Therefore, obvious mistakes in communication should be avoided.

• Distraction from the conversation, reaction to external stimuli, one’s own thoughts.
• Making up answers or arguments contributes to losing the essence of the conversation.
• Instructions, criticism and moralization (“I told you so…”) will only push the interlocutor to end the conversation.
• Parroting or copying the speaker's words creates the illusion of understanding. An astute person will realize that he is not being listened to.
• You cannot interrupt or finish the sentence for your interlocutor. It’s better to let him formulate the thought on his own.
• Reduce the conversation to meaningless polemics.
• Concentrate attention on yourself, translating all the interlocutor’s words into your own situation (“and it was like that for me...”).

Active listening in communication with a child

IN childhood It is important to know that parents understand the child's experiences. It is sometimes difficult for him to express in words everything that he feels. Attentive parents should help the child competently explain his condition and clearly talk about the event that happened.

Techniques for actively listening to children are help in voicing feelings and emotions. Parents should not only understand the child, but also learn to empathize with him and support him. This will bring closer and strengthen family relationships. It will teach the child not to be afraid of negative feelings and to cope with them. Will lead to mutual active listening: parents - child, child - parents.

Father and mother should learn the types of listening. Techniques for actively listening to children involve demonstrating them. It is necessary to show the child that they want to listen to him and help him.

1. When talking with a child, you should be at the same level as him, eye to eye. Put everything aside, don’t talk to him from different rooms. Show the importance of dialogue with a friendly look.
2. Try to combine the meaning of the child’s words with his feelings. This will help you understand the situation. Prefer an affirmative form (not a question) in describing the child’s internal state. “You’re upset because...”, “You’re angry because...”.
3. Pause so that the child can collect his thoughts and continue the dialogue.
4. Repeat in your own words the child’s main idea. This way it will become clear to him that his parents heard and understood him.
5. Do not leave the child alone with his fears, problems, experiences.

It also happens that you should get rid of your interlocutor as quickly as possible. The reasons may be different: from reluctance to communicate with a specific person to reluctance to listen to long monologues. An alternative technology can be created based on active listening techniques. With its help, the interlocutor will feel a reluctance to communicate with him. What concepts do not apply to active listening techniques?

• Silence, lack of emotional reaction to words, ignoring the interlocutor.
• Constantly answering questions with questions.
• Dismissive posture, facial expressions.
• Interrupting the interlocutor, moving on to your own personal topics.
• During a conversation, be distracted by phone calls and do other things.
• Sharply criticize your interlocutor, immediately pointing out his mistakes and miscalculations.

This alternative technique should not be used constantly. People need communication and empathy. Only in rare exceptions should you remember which concepts do not apply to active listening techniques. It is best to politely explain that your counterpart has chosen the wrong time to talk. Try to avoid annoying interlocutors, giving preference to positive people.

The basic techniques of active listening contribute to a favorable attitude. With their help, the interlocutor will feel attention to his words and experiences. Knowledge of techniques and the ability to use them will create a sense of self-worth in your counterpart, which will help you quickly reach a consensus.

• You should not interrupt or interrupt a person. This technique of active listening will allow you to bring the main idea to the end.
• After asking a question, be sure to wait for the interlocutor’s answer and not answer for it.
• Maintain eye contact and turn to face the speaker.
• Establish feedback, ask questions, nod.
• You should not immediately refute the information you hear. First, delve into the essence of the conversation, understand the motives of the interlocutor.
• Do not give in to the speaker’s aggression. Try to level it out with patience and calmness.

To learn to understand your child well, you need to learn to listen to him. If you don’t have the time or desire to listen to what the child wants to tell you, you shouldn’t even start, psychologists say. To establish contact between a child and his parents, the latter need to learn to tune in to the child as a communication partner whenever he wants to talk, pay special attention to the child and his problem, and be able to put himself in his place. Psychologists advise using active listening techniques when communicating with children, which will help avoid misunderstandings and mistrust.

At the core active listening techniques lies in understanding the child’s condition, returning his own information to him and identifying the emotions associated with it. After all, it is very important for a child that his parents understand how he feels, and not just understand the situation, finding out the events and facts that happened.

By active listening technique You need to start understanding the problem by reflecting the child’s emotions and putting them into verbal form. Thus, in response to the child’s statement “I will no longer be friends with Dima,” parents need to first repeat what he said, confirming that the child was heard: “You don’t want to be friends with him anymore,” and then indicate the emotion that the child experiences about this: "You're upset with him." It is such an affirmative answer that will make it clear to the child that they are ready to listen to him and he will want to continue discussing this problem. Seeing the child's upset appearance, you can simply say affirmatively, “Something happened,” and then it will be easier for the child to start his story.

While the questions “What happened?” and “Why are you upset with him?” do not carry a feeling of empathy, showing the parents’ interest in events, and not in the emotions of the child, who is left alone with his feelings. Moreover, to the question “What happened?” an upset child may answer “Nothing” and the conversation will not work.

When the child’s contact with his parents is established, and the child understands that his feelings are not indifferent to adults, he tunes in to the conversation. Further clarification of the circumstances is based on the adult’s questions and the child’s answers. During such a conversation, the child articulates the problem and finds ways to solve it himself.

The active listening technique has its own rules for conducting a conversation.

1. If you are ready to listen to the child, turn to face him so that your eyes are at the same level as the child’s eyes.

2. When you repeat from the child’s words what happened and indicate his feelings about this, make sure that the child does not feel like he is being teased. Speak in a natural, calm voice, and use other words with the same meaning.

3. During the conversation, try to refrain from your thoughts and comments and try to pause after the child’s answers. Do not rush your child, give him the opportunity to think about his experiences and collect his thoughts. If the child looks to the side, into the distance, or “inward,” then pause, because at this moment very important and necessary internal work is happening in the child.

4. Avoid things that interfere with active listening:
questioning, guessing, interpreting;
advice and ready-made solutions;
orders, warnings, threats;
criticism, insult, accusations, ridicule;
moral teachings, reading notations;
verbal sympathy, persuasion;
laughing it off, avoiding a conversation.

The results of parents using the technique of active listening to the child:

The child’s negative experiences weaken, and positive experiences intensify according to the principle: shared joy doubles, shared grief is halved.

The child’s conviction that an adult is ready to listen to him gives rise to a desire to talk with an adult and talk about himself.

Speaking and thinking about the problem, which occurs while the child is answering questions from adults, helps him find a suitable solution himself.