Psychology of a child at 10 years old. "Bolsheketskaya secondary school". Don't be afraid to ask if you don't understand something

At what age did your children learn to wash dishes? How about cooking something yourself on the stove or in the oven? Changing a car tire? Domestic parents are still not inclined to overload their children with household chores: as they grow up, they will learn, they believe. But in the West they are sounding the alarm, developing algorithms for teaching children the necessary life skills and making lists of things that a child should cope with at a given age.

It is believed that healthy and free children learn all the necessary life skills naturally. Another thing is children with developmental disabilities: for them, special training in life skills is necessary. The goal of their parents and specialists working with them is to help them learn everything that guarantees their independent existence in the world. And now we often see well-cared for children with disabilities learning life skills (and the grit that comes from failing and trying again) that most of today's "typically developing" children do not have.

My friend Stacey has two sons, and one of them is visually and hearing impaired. Stacy built the following strategy for developing skills in her children:

• first we do it for the child;
• then we do it together;
• then we watch him do it;
• finally, the child does it completely independently.

Stacey's son achieved results that neither doctors nor teachers expected at first. This same method of teaching skills can be used with any child, regardless of health and abilities. Her second son is “typically developing” (that is, has no special needs), yet Stacey and her husband take the same wise approach to raising both children.

The first two steps in Stacy's life skills teaching method—first doing it for your child and then doing it with your child—are fairly easy to do. But point three - watching a child do something - may turn out to be a leap into the unknown.

In September 2010, my son Sawyer entered sixth grade. The day before classes started, he had to register, and everything would be easy if only two hundred students showed up. But there were also parents, hundreds of parents, and younger brothers and sisters. There were two or three times as many people standing in the barely creeping line as required. The sixth-graders themselves huddled with friends and waited for their parents to register for them.

Halfway through the wait, I called Sawyer over, had him read the forms, and briefly explained what might happen when he handed them to the person at the table at the head of the line. When we finally got there, I was ready to move on to the third point: instead of standing nearby and listening to the employee’s questions and explanations, I said that I would move away while my son handed out forms and talked. After that, there were a few more steps to go through, another line to get for a student card and an annual photo, and I told Sawyer that he had to figure it out on his own.

Everything went well. Already at home I scolded myself for even going there. If sixth grade seems so important to register a student in person, and the stakes only get higher, am I signing up to play this role for the rest of my life?

As we raise our second child, we often begin to devote more time to ourselves. It becomes easier for us to let go - to quickly move on to the second, third and fourth points. This was the case with our youngest daughter, Avery. The evening before the sixth-graders registered, we talked everything over at home, and she felt that she could handle it, so she went there alone (point number four). Everything worked out great for her - and for me.

We have neighbors, Laurie and Eric. They have four children ranging in age from 10 to 16, the eldest of whom, Zachary, is Sawyer's friend. This family is far ahead of my husband and I in terms of teaching our children life skills. A few years ago, when Zachary came to visit us, he said that he and all the other children in his family had to make their own breakfast in the morning and then pack a school lunch box.

I almost dropped my coffee cup. It cannot be that the youngest - he was five years old at the time - is forced to do such things! I was wrong. As Zachary’s mother, Laurie, later explained to me, starting at the age of four, children had to prepare their own breakfast. This freed up time for her and her husband to exercise, shower, and prepare for the day ahead.

I just couldn't imagine it. How will the baby reach the food? Zachary answered casually: “The breakfast cereal is in the bottom cupboard, the plates and cups are there, and the milk is on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. When I was little, my parents showed me everything, and my brother and sisters learned from me.” He proudly talked about what he should - and can - do on his own. With pride and confidence. But my own children were rather glad that adults prepared, decided and did everything for them.

What should a child between 2 and 18 years old be able to do?

What exactly do parents do for their children instead of demanding independence? What are the essential life skills?

It is possible that after reading the list below you will be horrified. I myself, looking back on the years of raising my children, Sawyer and Avery, see that my husband and I did too much for them, instead of allowing them to enjoy increasing independence. I admit, it’s often easier to do something yourself, and we also liked helping them.

The children were about ten when we realized the error of our approach, and we had to listen to their reasoning for some time. “Why do you demand this from us?” the children asked. “If these are such important matters, why didn’t we do this before?”

Two to three years: Small responsibilities and basic self-care. This is the age when a child will begin to master basic life skills. By age three, your child should be able to:

• help put away toys;
• dress independently (with some help from an adult);
• putting clothes in the basket when undressed;
• clear your plate after eating;
• help set the table;
• brush your teeth and wash your face with the help of an adult.

Four to five years: Names and numbers are important. When a child reaches this age, safety skills are high on the list of priorities. The child should know:

• your full name, address and telephone number;
• how to call emergency services.

He must also be able to:

• Perform simple cleaning tasks, such as dusting accessible areas and clearing tables;
• feed pets;
• recognize the denominations of coins and paper money and understand at the simplest level how to use money;
• brush your teeth, comb your hair and wash your face without assistance;
• help wash clothes, for example, bring them to the washing place;
• choose what clothes to wear.

From six to seven years: simple cooking techniques. Children at this age can begin to help cook and should learn to:

• mix, shake and cut with a dull knife;
• prepare simple meals, such as sandwiches;
• help put away food;
• wash the dishes;
• It is safe to use simple cleaning products;
• tidy up the toilet after use;
• make the bed without assistance;
• wash without supervision.

Eight to nine years: Taking pride in your belongings. By this time, the child should value his things and take proper care of them. It means:

• fold clothes;
• learn simple sewing techniques;
• take care of the street toys, such as cycling or roller skating.

And besides:

• without reminders to take care of personal hygiene;
• use a broom and dustpan correctly;
• be able to read recipes and prepare simple dishes;
• help make a list of necessary products;
• count and give change;
• help with simple gardening tasks such as watering and weeding;
• take out the trash.

From 10 to 13 years: gaining independence. At about ten years of age, a child can begin to do many things independently. He must be able to:

• stay home alone;
• go to the store and do your own shopping;
• change sheets;
• use a dishwasher and dryer;
• plan and prepare multi-ingredient meals;
• fry and bake in the oven;
• read labels;
• iron;
• learn to use basic tools;
• mow the lawn and clean the yard;
• look after younger brothers, sisters, neighbor children.

From 14 to 18 years old: mastering complex skills. By the age of fourteen, a child should master all of the above very well. In addition, he must be able to:

• Perform more complex cleaning and maintenance tasks, such as changing the vacuum cleaner bag, cleaning the oven, and unclogging the drain;
• fill the car with gasoline, inflate the tires, change the tire;
• read and understand drug labels and dosages;
• interview and get a job;
• stock up on food and prepare meals.

Youth: preparing for independent life. Young people should be able to take care of themselves after entering university or moving. To do this you need to master quite a lot, including:

• regularly visit the doctor and dentist, go for other important health procedures;
• have a basic understanding of finances, be able to manage a bank account, pay bills and use a credit card;
• understand simple contracts, such as renting an apartment or car;
• Schedule oil changes and basic vehicle maintenance.

Comment on the article “What a child should be able to do at 5, 10 and 14 years old: list of things to do by age”

Section: Education (When to teach a child to cook on his own). Child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years: hardening and development, nutrition Section: Development, training (what a child should be able to do at 2, 10). child and the truth is all this. Therefore, I would...

My grandmother taught me how to cook, and I encourage her in every possible way - like, fry mom an omelette. Buying clothes is not a problem (but buying fabrics to make them yourself is a problem). And what they didn’t teach, when needed, I learned myself. Just like me. But our child...

Child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years: hardening and development, nutrition Section: Development, training (what a child should be able to do at 2, 10). a child is really all this. Therefore, I would advise you to find such a table for your age, and not for Soviet ones...

Where to learn to cook? Education, development. Child from 7 to 10. Hello, I have a daughter, almost 10 years old, who has started to get interested in cooking, and is now interested in baking. I myself don’t cook much at all, well, mostly simple dishes, but I don’t know how to bake at all, I’ve never even...

My 10 year old should clean up her room, her closet once a week, if at 9 years old a girl should be able to read, count and know how and who to ask for advice. The eldest, at 14, washes the dishes, throws out the bucket and other little things, solely at her own request.

A child in 5th grade should know as much as is taught in elementary school. And it was in the understanding of the parents that if my child knew something from the average, it was not a matter of reducing the deadlines. This fourth year marked the beginning of the existing bacchanalia.

On the question, what should a four year old child be able to do? For example, a child could not catch a ball at the age of 7. We have a humanitarian gymnasium. Drawing is a must. And at school, the teacher of my “incapable” child taught him to draw in such a way that in the 6th grade he painted portraits in gouache.

Raising a child from 7 to 10 years old: school, relationships with classmates, parents and my IMHO, as a mother and as a former child with a key around his neck :) - a child at that age SHOULD NOT Learn to communicate using notes (to-do lists) so as not to call and don't remind me...

Raising a child from 7 to 10 years old: school, relationships with classmates, parents and teachers, health, extracurricular activities, hobbies. See other discussions on the topic "how many pages should a child read at 11 years old"

what can children cook? Education, development. Child from 7 to 10. The children themselves can make their own sandwich. They would be happy to cook, but 7-year-olds have nothing in their daily life, and what’s more, I don’t teach and don’t want to teach. At her age I didn’t know how to do anything either, and I grew up and love...

Child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years: hardening and development, nutrition and illness, daily routine and development of household skills. Both at this age already knew how to walk. They spoke in short phrases (dad is sleeping, the doll has fallen, etc.) My daughter was already eating quite well...

How to teach her to do everything on her own? Well, at least for a draft! And I bought the second version of all the workbooks for drafts, and I wrote her a memo on how and what to do and in what order, and over the phone, if possible, I try to control and explain.

Raising a child from 10 to 13 years old: education, school problems, relationships with classmates, parents and teachers My eldest child, upon entering school, among other things, had to demonstrate reading and counting skills within twenty...

What should a child know/be able to do at three years old? Child from 3 to 7. Upbringing, nutrition, daily routine, attending kindergarten and relationships with children. What a child should be able to do is individual. My older daughters started talking to me after they were 3 years old, and Anechka is good...

How to teach a child to eat independently. What to feed a child after a year: sample menu. Just as it is necessary to stop feeding a child over one and a half years old and give him a spoon, I recommend starting to teach him to eat kibble.

What should a 3 year old child know and be able to do? My kids could distinguish colors perfectly at 2 years and 3 months, and from the same age they could read long poems by heart and could do a lot of other things, but they always had problems with concentration, just like now. although now in...

When should you learn to cook? - gatherings. About yours, about your girl’s. Discussion of issues about a woman’s life in the family, at work, relationships with men. I learned to cook at eight, when my grandmother passed away, but I can’t say that I enjoyed it or felt proud...

When do you cook food?. ...I find it difficult to choose a section. Child from 1 to 3. Raising a child from one to three years old: hardening and development When do you prepare food? How do you manage to do household chores? I always cook soup at two in the morning)) but maybe there’s another way? And...

teach me how to cook porridge :). Nutrition, introduction of complementary foods. Child from birth to one year. teach how to cook porridge :) Mommies who cook for children themselves! How to cook rice porridge? I am interested in the method when, after soaking, the cereal is boiled and then pureed in a blender.

A boy was born into the family - this is real happiness! But how to grow him into a real brave and strong man? Many parents ignore upbringing, they say, when they grow up, they won’t go anywhere. This approach will inevitably lead to problems. The age of 10 is considered the transition from childhood to adolescence. It is very important that during this period the boy develops the correct ideas about the adult world, of which he will become a full member in a few years. Read about the characteristics of the physical and mental development of ten-year-old boys in the article.

What happens in the life of 10 year old boys?

10 years is the age when a boy is no longer a child, but not yet a man. The difficult period of adolescence is about to begin, but in the meantime, your boy is carefully looking at adults, learning to build adult relationships.

Physical development. Male behavior is determined by the work of the male hormone testosterone. At the age of 10 years, the boy’s body is actively preparing for puberty, the production of male hormones increases 10 times or more. Don't be surprised if your son becomes nervous or withdrawn and moody. His body begins to change, some boys are embarrassed by these changes, get nervous and are rude.

Psychological development. Ten-year-old boys are smart enough to understand and explain all the events happening around them. They ask for advice less and less often and are able to get out of difficult situations on their own. Relationships between ten-year-olds are competitive. And if the main evaluation criterion among girls is appearance and clothing, then for boys it is courage and strength. Therefore, be prepared for the fact that there will be more fights and bruises in your son’s life. The boy moves away from his parents and spends more and more time with friends. It is at the age of 10 that groups of interests develop among children.

How to raise a 10 year old boy?

At the age of 10 they need male company. Your son will emphasize this need with all his behavior: he will begin to pester his father, bully his acquaintances, teenagers, young men and uncles. Arm wrestling, wrestling, hip throws - a boy simply needs to measure his strength with someone.

The role of the father becomes dominant in the upbringing of a ten-year-old boy. If the father is extremely attentive to his son during this period, adolescence will pass much easier.

What to do if your father is not around? It doesn’t matter, his place can be taken by a grandfather, uncle, teacher, etc. A change of interest in favor of the father does not mean at all that the mother should withdraw from the child’s life. In some countries (Britain, USA, etc.), mothers distance themselves from their ten-year-old sons, thereby trying to add toughness and masculinity to their character. Let's face it, such maternal behavior is of very dubious benefit! A boy at the age of 10, and 15, and even 20 years old needs to know that he can rely on his parents at any time. If a mother becomes emotionally distant from her son, he may grow up to be quite harsh, rude, and unable to express his feelings.

Considering that the boy begins to spend more and more time with friends, the parents are faced with the question: how to protect their son from the bad influence of the street? “Boys are like calves: the older they get, the larger their pasture needs to be. But there should always be fences!” - says one English proverb. And this is absolutely true. You shouldn’t sharply limit a child’s freedom, but the boy should know what he can do and what behavior is completely unacceptable.

Parents can resort to several options for prohibitions.

• Verbal agreement. Parents must agree with their son on some of his responsibilities, without threatening punishment for violating them. The child must correct himself if he has done something wrong.
• Punishment for violations. In cases where a verbal agreement is not enough, clear boundaries of behavior must be established in advance, for violation of which punishment is provided.
• Severe punishments. If you cannot keep your son within certain limits and are afraid that he will get into serious trouble, make specific demands on his behavior and use severe punishments for violations of these requirements.
• Emergency measures. If your child's behavior poses a danger to himself or others, take decisive action immediately. If necessary, monitor your son’s actions around the clock, consult a doctor, and don’t expect his behavior to correct itself in a matter of days. This is a very long and difficult process.

Raising a child is an art. Parents, depending on the circumstances, must be incredibly flexible. Remember, each child is unique and requires an individual approach. For the love, attention and care that you give your son as a child, he will repay you with the same love.

And here we have prepared even more interesting materials for you!

Maria! Your son is entering adolescence, when his behavior, attitude towards school, teachers... to a certain extent can change dramatically - this is a normal crisis that cannot be avoided. your task is to help your child get through it with the least losses and come out of it stronger, more perfect. if he behaves differently in different situations (areas), then obviously the reason should be sought not in the child, but in his environment (in particular in the school environment). You need to talk about this in more detail in the chat, analyzing the details of your situation. Or I suggest you take a distance course for parents (accessible and effective).

Unfortunately, no one teaches us how to be parents... And only in the process of raising our children, while gaining knowledge, do we acquire the much-needed knowledge and skills... The fact that you are aware of your problems is a big plus! It's worth a lot. But the stereotypes of our attitude towards a child arise from our childhood and haunt us all our lives. To change them, to begin to notice the positive in a girl, you need targeted work on yourself.

18 years ago, shortly after graduating from university with a degree in psychology, I watched an interesting scientific documentary film. It talked about how animals teach their offspring the important wisdom of life, without which they would not survive in the wild. It turns out that female rhinoceroses teach babies proper nutrition for more than a month, showing them what plant foods to eat. And entire families of killer whales train their grown-up calves to hunt seals. I thought, why in human society do we practically not prepare future parents for such an important function as the upbringing and development of children? And only after becoming parents and facing the difficulties of raising a child, we begin to look for ways to increase our parental competence, improve our relationship with our child, and strengthen our family. The training course is aimed at solving these problems, various versions of which have been used by us for more than 20 years in the course of consulting and psychotherapeutic work with parents (during this time, assistance was provided to 950 families).

To answer your question, you need to analyze your relationship with your child, perform tests and, based on the diagnosis, draw conclusions. Try to determine your attitude towards each child separately (“Parental attitude test” in the article " Find out your attitude towards your child": www.psycholog-help.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html I also recommend taking a distance learning course on building relationships with children: “HOW TO CHANGE A CHILD’S NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR?”

Let me give you a short quote from the course:

· Ways to influence a “difficult” child.

What tactics should adults use in dealing with such a child? Let's formulate “Rules” of parental behavior:

1) in relations with a child, parents need to rely on positive the qualities of his personality (a positive attitude generates positive behavior);

2) show own example of positive behavior , do not allow a discrepancy between your own words and actions - “Do as I do,” and not “Do as I say”;

3) give an assessment not the personality, thoughts, emotions of the child, but his behavior - not “You are bad”, but “You did bad.”

Only behavior can be corrected, changed, and a child can do this. While we cannot change personality, thoughts and emotions;

4) instill in the child positive (“you can do it”, “you are doing it right”, etc.). Give your child confidence with your words rather than doubting him;

5) live for today , do not remember negative situations from the past without special need;

6) don't live life instead of a child , but to be there and help him if necessary. Treats a child like a tree that needs to be given sunlight and water, and not pulled by the trunk, so that it grows faster :).

All the best to you, Yuri.

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Raising boys is a complex process and psychology plays an important role in this matter. In ancient times, raising children was aimed at survival, which is why boys were hardy and brave. From the first year of life, they were taught to wield weapons and endure any difficulties. Every second family had many children, and it was impossible to keep track of all the children. Children used to become independent from lack of upbringing. From 6 to 12 years old, education was the job of the father.

Today, mothers raise boys, first of all, to be obedient and tolerant. Their goal is to raise a strong man, but it turns out exactly the opposite.

Why is this happening? The thing is that psychologically boys are radically different from girls. They see the world differently, and if a mother adjusts her son to her vision, she suppresses the male essence in him.

As already mentioned in our articles, in raising boys, the father plays a big role and is a role model. Unfortunately, the pace of life does not allow spending much time with the child and the baby lacks the attention of his father. To compensate for this, at the age of 10 he begins to seek the attention of other men (grandfathers, uncles), but these examples may not be good.

A father must instill in his son the right concepts and principles. This is only possible if the father has been with the child since the first year, and the baby respects him. Preschoolers develop character traits and habits; it is during this period that raising a father will be appropriate.

Along with this they search and read:

Try to support and encourage the child, help him, and overcome obstacles.

Important! Never scold a child for a failed attempt to help, because he sincerely wanted to take part in his father’s affairs, and as a result he realized that initiative is punishable.

In order for your little hero to grow up persistent and self-confident, the boy needs to be involved in masculine activities, without taking the hammer away from him, in order to avoid consequences. It is better to monitor the child’s activities and deservedly praise him so that he feels important.

The mother often and unreasonably praises the baby, thereby showing her unconditional love, the son gets used to this and stops trying. The father's praise must be earned and it is not worthwhile to please the baby with warm words over trifles, but significant achievements should be encouraged. At a young age, this can even be a manifestation of endurance in climbing a hill.

The more you allow a guy to do on his own (with a little help), the faster he will learn and understand that he can do a lot without outside interference.

At the age of 10–12, boys are looking for a leader among their environment and it is better for the father to become an authority for the boy before this time. Undoubtedly, this is painstaking and difficult work throughout childhood, but good upbringing is worth it.

Overprotective mother

Many mothers try to protect their child from everything in the world; they control every step of the boy from the first year and forbid him literally everything. Subsequently, they complain that the child is afraid to sleep in his room or cannot pass through the dark corridor. There is nothing surprising in this, because by constantly suppressing his desire to explore, the mother does not allow the child to understand the true danger.

A boy needs space to show courage and tolerance. You should not run to your baby the first time he falls. Please note that if the baby cries, he needs your support and you need to give it to him. If the guy doesn’t become capricious, you should praise him and point out his patience with pain and endurance. Unjustified harshness of upbringing should also not be used.

Overprotective mothers are common. Mom is afraid for her child (especially if her son is the only child in the family) and wants to protect his health. Yet behind this lies selfishness, because by raising her son for herself, the mother deprives him of his willpower. As a result, the guy suffers from stronger bullies at school and by the age of thirty he lives with his mother, without any aspirations. There is another plot, boys with stronger characters will rebel, and the mother will not be able to cope with them. And the father’s attempts to correct the situation will be in vain. The psychology of boys is different from girls and a mother should not impose her ideals on a guy.

In order for the son to be a true protector in the future and strive for leadership, the mother needs to allow the baby to make decisions on his own. Let it be the choice of pants for going out or a dish for breakfast, but he will feel that his opinion is taken into account. He must rely on his own strength in different situations with peers.

Important! You should not scare your child with creepy monsters or monsters that hide in the dark and will come if he behaves badly, because this will make the guy not show courage, but will only stop going into dark rooms or require consultation with a psychologist.

Mothers and grandmothers often spoil their preschoolers; instead of developing endurance, they allow them to lie on the couch all day watching cartoons. This will have a bad effect not only on the guy’s self-discipline, but also on his physical development. Mom should accustom the guy to active pastime and healthy physical activity, taking into account his age characteristics. He will not learn endurance without regular exercise.

At 10–12 years old, boys will trust their mother and show their love only if they are raised correctly. Warm relationships will be the result of moderate restrictions and the opportunity to express yourself. A 12-year-old man will respect his mother and thank her, because instead of prohibitions, she contributed to his achievements.

Video: Aspects of raising a son

Raising a boy without a father

Raising boys and the characteristics of a mother who is raising her son on her own forces her to visit a psychologist with problems in raising her. They need counseling when their son is already 12 years old and they are not able to cope with him. At this age, it is difficult to change something, because the foundation has been laid and many habits have been formed.

You should start wondering about raising yourself alone from an early age, or from the moment your father left your family. In addition to the divorce, the boys are left without a father due to his death, which already causes them great trauma. And now the role of both parents falls on the woman’s fragile shoulders.

In addition to the fact that the mother needs to earn money for the family, she also needs to pay attention to household chores. There is incredibly little time left, but the child needs care and attention.

Important! First, you should understand that without a man, raising a self-sufficient and confident guy is impossible. This should be another close family member or coach.

Try to involve your grandfather or uncle in raising your baby, or at least spend time with them sometimes. Naturally, they will not replace the father, but they will be able to compensate for male attention. You should not delegate your housework responsibilities to the boy. Naturally, it’s difficult for you, and you should encourage his initiative in this, but not force him.

Preschoolers can be sent to diverse sections taught by a man or with an exclusively male team (boxing, football). Choose activities based on your child's needs. There the boy will learn endurance and interaction with other children, and determine his place in the team. A 5-year-old guy needs to throw out a lot of energy, and you shouldn’t stop him from running around the house happily and screaming in his free time.

Achievements are incredibly important for men at any age, and whether the child is 3 years old or 12 years old, receiving praise for success makes them strive for more. Sport will help realize this desire, but the mother needs to be interested in everything the child does. Try to learn the players of his favorite team, if it is football, or remember the basic rules and names of kicks, if it is taekwondo.

The main thing is to sincerely enjoy his skills and go to competitions so that the guy sees your interest. For boys, universal recognition is no less important; they love attention and well-deserved praise. The mother needs to encourage this in the early years. Preschoolers from the third year of life can be involved in simple physical labor (helping bring notebooks to the teacher or handing a chair to a girl). It is also worth raising a boy into a gentleman who will gladly give in to a girl or let her go ahead. At 10–12 years old, this will also affect the attitude towards the mother, because she is also a woman and deserves attention.

Of course, all boys are different and when raising them it is worth taking into account the main features. You should not ignore the advice of a psychologist in difficult situations, because a child does not always react calmly to his father’s departure and needs a professional approach.